regular wandrew @wandrew@godforsaken.website

my pussy is worker-owned

im reading a book where a woman fucks a cyborg and id like to confirm that id fuck a cyborg

not that impressed with people who cum during sex. you're not impressing anyone. get over yourselves.

hair removal works like this: you get fitter with each hair they pull out. that's why it's a multi million pound industry.

judging you all for your misplaced punctuation that is actually just dirt on my screen

🎵 When the moon hits you're eye
Like a big pizza pie
That's Melancholia 🎵

Picard asking for tea, earl grey……cold? He is wearing a cutoff version of his uniform, because it is summer in space at this moment

damn bro your lookin structurally unsound.......that ass looks dangerous. like it might collapse

falcon to the falconer, comically: I can't *heeaar* you!

[various dj noises] le le le lesbian

Bruce Banner would do a hundred times more good for the world as a scientist than as a big green guy that gets angry and that's why superheroes suck as a general pattern. Get real jobs, ya super-bums.

My favorite X-Files character, The Lound-Bloughing Man

writing a bot that scans the federated TL for phone screenshots and tells people to charge their phone if their battery is less than 20%

doesn’t it feel so good to sit down

Rejoice greatly: Startup culture has invented the handkerchief. https://lasttissue.lastobject.com/

Just got this message in from HQ

lukes a babe as ever

i blame garfield cat for making me say epic out loud with my mouth

wizards aren't even allowed to sit on the weekends these days

Pop punk lyricist’s notebook that’s just crossed out variations of like “I wish I didn’t live in this town” “Don’t want to stay in town” “We should go somewhere other than this small-town town”