regular wandrew @wandrew@godforsaken.website

the best thing about couches is that your doggy can sit next to you with their butt on your lap

I would never admit to "knowing" something, swot nerds

i'm glad that when sonic the hedgehog broke my brain as a child it happened at just the right amount where i still think he's cool despite all contrary evidence but i don't want to fuck him

I'm the rollneck bitch now

do not mistake my gentle love for crash bandicoot as weakness.

who wants to kill pewdiepie

what topics do you know stuff about? like not mastermind but enough like. enlighten me on what weird shit yous have in your brain.

george ohwell

geowge owweww

grimmiss

Nonprofit and public sector employers, have you considered: Karen

Get out of bed? No thanks, I'm more of an ideas guy

*Willie McNabb picks up his AR15*

“C’mon Maybelle, it’s time we go dancin’”

markdown, ass up, that's the way I like to toot

I wear underwire bras because it keeps my big honkers happy, nipples to heaven. But out of the bra? They unroll onto the ground like a red carpet on Oscar night.

excited to announce my new role as podcast critic for the new york times

“My body is a temple”

*I say, covered in blood and burnt offal, myrrh pouring from my pockets*

mutual aid but for sleeping

⚠️ 👷‍♂️ ⚠️

howdy im the post inspector just here to make sure this here time line is up to code

wake up early. start calling random offices and saying "i apologize for calling the main line, i don't have anyone else's number there. this is Mike's wife. he won't be in today because he has explosive sharts."

by the time you call the second office there's a 100% chance you will have impacted the whole day of at least one Mike out there.