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apologies 

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fanta pope boosted

they should put 2019 bradley cooper on the cigarette warning labels

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just realised that the next time i am horny irl someone will have to cope with the fact i have a seal with huge tits tattooed near my own human tits

starting a nasal pop punk band for the new generation to cement myself as an Old Ass Bitch Who Should Be Over These Feelings By Now?

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people these days will swipe right on a hot sexy babe, but swipe left on an encyclopedia. shame

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now that i've met hanny in luke in real life i get to imagine all their posts being said in their accents. this is a service i like to call "mastodon premium"

gonna need more info here jules. is it meth. is it 'a bit too much coffee'. did they smoke a big joint and then walk into the sea serenely.

getting a job in social media because i know how to engage with 'an audience'

big mam energy is phoning you whenever they learn that someone who you dont even know has died 'from drugs' as a warning

date night idea: smoke a 20 pack of menthols and think really hard about aliens

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smoking & drugs mention 

getting incredibly popular online for posting jokes about my dick in order to build a platform for my 700 page thesis 'why colonialism was okay, actually'

mashup: 99 problem balloons. you better be prepared for when these fuckers pop. you're in trouble.

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Let the record show that i was being highly sarcastic when I said "you love to see it" after being informed of my wife's suspicious fatal helicopter crash

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photo of me and toast (the cat not food) 

electing myself queen of the US night crew because im the only one who isnt sleepy as fuck

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites