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Hey fediverse has anyone out there got any experience with fires and/or burning? My kitchen is currently engulfed in flames and from everything I've read that's generally a pretty bad thing. I really need some help or advice about this. I've been trying to inhale all the smoke myself to stop it ruining my furniture but there's just too much and it's actually pretty hot.
Boosts would be appreciated, this might be a long shot but I'm sure someone else out there has had this problem too.

@snakeboy
i'm having the same problem

EDIT: okay nevermind, i fixed it

@larrydavis that's great to hear, unfortunately my fire just seems to be spreading if anything :(
What did you do to yours?

@snakeboy

1: shut off the power at the mains

2: is your bladder full? it's gonna need to be for step 3.

3: pee on everything

@snakeboy

You're supposed to use a fire extingiusher, but those are stored in the Kitchen.

@snakeboy Have you tried essential oils? Lavender works wonders for uncontrolled blazes.

@inkblot_sandwiches ok I've drank some of that but nothing seems to be happening yet...

@snakeboy
Best way to fight fire is with fire is what I always say

@snakeboy you need to remove part of the fire triangle of heat/fuel/oxygen. Open both the freezer and refrigerator doors to take away the heat. Hold down the ice dispenser lever if your fridge has one.

@LilFluff The fridge is a bit too on fire right now to get to I'm afraid :/

@snakeboy Oh. Oh dear. Have you made a recent backup of the kitchen?

@snakeboy uh, have you tried not having a raging inferno in your home? or are you too deep in the pockets of Big Flame??

@pig best response yet but I have no associations with big flame. I swear on my blazing kitchen

@snakeboy pour yourself a cup of coffee and just remember everything is fine

@snakeboy use that fire to do some nice BBQ at least all those flames will not be in vain

@rhapsodos all my food I'd like to barbecue is one fire already in the kitchen though D:

@snakeboy could you link to your jurisdiction's building codes? It's impossible to diagnose without more information. Feel free to pastebin.

@snakeboy WELL ACTUALLY it's not fair to say that's a "pretty bad thing." Us *responsible* match and lighter and blowtorch owners know how to handle fire without burning our houses down. And you "fire control" nuts can pry my matches from my gently smoldering blackened hands.

@snakeboy You're gonna have to jack into the cyberworld and find where BurnerMan.EXE is hiding and kick his ass. I hope your netnavi isn't on fire too, good luck

@snakeboy
try a handstand so that the smoke doesnt fill Your lungs that fast. The New problem, in my experience, will be the blood then going to Your head. But the good News is it can either lead to great ideas or kill you on top, or bottom, of the toxic air. and dont try posting a New question while you do that cause you will need both ur hands if you are not superman, - in wich case, you can just fly out the window and pour a lake onto the house after all the Furniture is saved ofc. good Luck

@snakeboy In case this is serious, baking soda. Any fire that starts in the kitchen I toss baking soda on the flame to extinguish it. Also every kitchen should have a fire extinguisher.

@cosullivan sometimes mastodon is just too sincere. I appreciate your effort to help me if i was burning though

I think you can drown the fire with grease. Any kind will do. But the thickness of the liquid is what makes it so effective at drowning the flames.

Try it and report back, please!

@snakeboy

@snakeboy Do you still have the manual? If not, I would suggest downloading it from the manufacturer's website. That might help you identify the cause of the fire. Good luck.

@snakeboy I've never fought a fire myself but here is some useful advice that I am sure will help. First, delete your facebook. Second, find a local gym to join. Third, hire a lawyer. HTH

@snakeboy any good fire doesn't go down without a fight. ya best be puttin yer dukes up b'y! throw'em a good left hook for me!

@snakeboy no joke one time we caught some stove top popcorn on fire and I was panicking so hard I just googled β€œfire”

@snakeboy Combustion, or burning,[1] is a high-temperature exothermic redox chemical reaction between a fuel (the reductant) and an oxidant, usually atmospheric oxygen, that produces oxidized, often gaseous products, in a mixture termed as smoke. Combustion in a fire produces a flame, and the heat produced can make combustion self-sustaining. Combustion is often a complicated sequence of elementary radical reactions. Solid fuels, such as wood and coal, first undergo endothermic pyrolys

@snakeboy
Reduce the heat, if you can, pour baking soda over the fire. DO NOT USE WATER IF IT'S A GREASE / ELECTRICAL FIRE.

@snakeboy gee man sorry I don't know.... Have you tried turning it off and on again?

@snakeboy
The best way to keep your kitchen from being on fire is to not let it catch fire in the first place. (This is good and helpful Internet advice for your problem.)

@snakeboy

is setting your kitchen on fire a more efficient way to cook? in this TED talk in will

@snakeboy I'm so sorry to hear this. Have you tried handing it an eviction notice? Sue its hot particle ass off your lawful property.

@snakeboy @Gargron These kinda of fires are a natural occurrence and only very rarely result in loss of life. Your body is the results of years of evolution and is designed to resist the toxins that result from the flames. The important thing to remember is to resist giving in to β€˜Big Fire Department.’ Keep breathing and maybe look into holistic fire prevention techniques. #snark

@snakeboy
β€’ Do not embrace
β€’ Do not extend the fire
β€’ Extinguish it right away

@snakeboy ZOMG I am a burning expert! Throw a little bit of every kind of liquid you have in the house on the fire until you find which one smells best and then throw all of that on the fire. That way your furniture will be less gross.

@snakeboy

It makes sense that Mastodon's dril would be Millhouse.

@snakeboy
Bumping this so someone can help you out with your problem

@snakeboy I know it's been a few weeks since you posted, and I was wondering if you still have the same issue? Our engineers are working hard to make sure you get the best possible support.

Your call is important to us. We'll get back to you once we have a solution.

@snakeboy don't worry. You can now grill sausages in your kitchen.

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