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let's none of us get our dicks out, for harambe or whomever

my followers? honey, jesus had followers. what ive got is a little thing we around here call “diarrhea”

if you chiselled all the way down to my geographical centre, you would find a single perfect boiled egg. but you won’t

hey my man. my dude. my big strong boy. just wanted to ask a favour my guy. can you stop fucking my wife every time i pop to the big tesco? thanks bro

im like a little mole from a children's book. a mole who wears a flat cap. it fucking sucks to be this way but i guess that's life.

ive just received an email from tv superstar mr bean, and he wants me to transfer one thousand US dollars into his bank account. first the global pandemic, now this, im honestly not surprised by anything any more!

mars is 300 miles away from earth... :0 that’s almost as far away as scotland... were so insignificant in this majestic universe

when i walked out one morn in may and met death by the roadside, i offered him my worldly wealth in store that he might let me live a few years more. and he said yes. rip those dead maidens fair but i'm different

yer da let me stick a couple of googly eyes on his bellend

when kurt vonnegut said “god dammit babies, you’ve got to be kind” he was wrong! i don’t

nintendo direct 

japanese games companies are so great at making games sound boring

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this godforsaken website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites