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I'm like Popeye but instead of spinach it's mayonnaise

orangutans... the playful gentlemen of the trees

shouting my podcast out of my bedroom window for my neighbours to enjoy

:wilma: Can you smell a cat?
πŸ§”I cannot
:wilma: Well I can definitely smell a cat
πŸ§”A cat lives in that house there
:wilma: Hmm
:blobcat: Boo
:wilma: What the fuck!
:blobcat: Lol
:wilma: You're fucking dead m8

:blobcat: :wilma: πŸƒ


compared to humans, its so much easier for toilets to go to the toilet, since they are already a toilet

@pisscotheque you can get ones now. from matalan i think. with a slow cooker setting. you can do a whole stew in them

sticking the toilet on for a cuppa. when it boils the lid rattles

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"merci chef" as a plate of cold slop shatters against the side of my head

Cannot stop laughing at 'bripe baby' being the post of mine that ends up on wikipedia

literally what is the point of flushing the toilet if the next person is just going to shit in it some more. better to build a stockpile and only flush once

alexander techniquing my way around the house. dripping off the furniture like a serpent

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this godforsaken website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites