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somewhere out there is a sub-bleached washed-out picture of a dog playing in some water that smells intensely of turpentine

these stocks from the olden times had holes for the arms, legs and head, plus a large bonus hole for the criminal’s magnum dong

going to bring back my classic character 'waitrose child'

shirtless in a barn doing petrol shots with the boys

@whinybottom parp parp parp parp parp parp parp paaaarp parp (baby will you parp through the tears)
Parp parp parp parpparpparpparpparpparp say you will PARP oh baby say you will PARP oh baby PAAAAARP
I will love you to the end of LIME(?)

seeking £200,000 of lottery funding for my conservation work (driving into the forest in my range rover and feeding all of the wolves out of a baby bottle)

why are we always going on about how great the dog’s bollocks are. can’t we at least let the cat’s bollocks have a moment in the spotlight? have we really grown so cruel

just thinking about the original lyrics of lana del rays 'blue jeans', which we all know were:

huge jeans
purple cape
walked into the room with a cowboy gate

I was like, "who's he?
nice shirt"
then i realised it was layers of mud and gurt

he took off his beanie hat
to reveal a small cat
who had a beard
things were getting weird

he turned round
jaws dropped
he had a tiny trumpet at the end of his cock, and he went

parp parp parp parp paaaarp parp parp parp (i will parp a millions years)


my opinion 

my opinion 

why does everyone I know fart. can you all just not. thanks

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this godforsaken website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites