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my boyfriend says my passport photo looks like ian curtis


im drunk and im autistic which is basically too many things at once

npc: Gee Whiz, i sure hope no one uses that deadly BONEFUCKLER to fuck my bosses' bones

diana: 47, it sounds they have a Bonefuckler. Maybe that gives you an idea, hm? :3

game: [gives waypoint to the Bonefuckler] LOCATE THE BONEFUCKLER

bad guy: oh no, my BONES are being FUCKED

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how to get Roomba to stop leaving little Yelp reviews about how bad the dirt tastes

fun fact: the star gate scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey was filmed by sending a tiny camera down my urethra

look on my works, ye mighty, and despair (despair because the works are bad)

about to start marketing my new perfume scent "an irresponsible 9 year old's goldfish bowl"

white people love to say "she's all yours!" to the next person waiting in line for the microwave

starting a support group for gays who do not like board games. only three people show up but they ALL cry

i tried to make a super-cola made up of mixing every single pop from the coke freestyle machine and now i'm missing two limbs and my brother's soul is merged to a suit of armor

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this godforsaken website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites