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i’m the resting bitch everyone’s making that face about

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

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STOP TRYING TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF DEBATE ONLINE. no right-thinking person goes onto online to find strangers to "debate" with. real people, ordinary, decent people, have only come online to view gifs of skeletons fucking

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Now I'm falling asleep
And she's taking a shit
And he's taking a shit
And she's taking a shit

Things are tough right now with debt, especially after having time off work to have an operation

I also have £112 in overdraft fees to pay due to an emergency vet bill

If you can help at all I'd appreciate it SO much

Thank you 💛

paypal.me/dockers

raisins are Nature's Candy, i've been told, by dipshits

When god closes a door he opens a window and that's why we aren't sharing a flat anymore

very deliberately distasteful suicide reference from a 90s TV Show made by Chris Morris 

do you have no christmas chimberly, mi lad? do you not have even one golden bimble strewn in yu'hall? i bet you've not even sang 'my lady rumppity' at a frozen wednesday luncheon, you coward

*glancing at a lopsided smiley face drawn in biro on my wrist*
enby time

The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.

*googles "fetishes"*: well would ya take a look at that! terrific

feeling in the mood to cleave something clean in twain... maybe rend some shit asunder. i haven’t decided yet

@pisscotheque a small chapel in cornwall has the famous 'brown stone' near the altar which is said to feel wet to the touch on st diarrhoea's day. its also famous for its unusual east door, making it the only chapel where parishioners can come out of both ends after a service

diarrhoea is short for Saint Diarrhoea’s Disease, the disease that Saint Diarrhoea famously died of, which is why they call it that

i got a teabag tied to my septum and whipped cream all over my nuts. lets hit the go-karting lounge

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godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites