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i love thinking to myself "ok now. now i MUST do some work" then regaining consciousness 45 minutes later to find myself typing "im injecting soviet truth serum into my balls" in this website box

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my fuckin TRANSLATION PROJECT that i've been working on is finally finished and available!! Pere Ubu's Almanac is a hefty zine create by Alfred Jarry, the guy behind Ubu Roi and Exploits & Opinions of Dr Faustroll, in 1899. i don't think it's ever appeared in english translation before and i may have done a cack-handed job of it because i am a baby who has somehow learned to use a computer!! NEVERTHELESS monoclelash.wordpress.com/2019

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

using my 10,000 sex arses to smuggle british sausages into the EU

just got a text from the ex-wife, she wants a 'revorce'. anyone know what the fuck that is?

food 

what used to be in the kelloggs variety pack before the horrible cum-tasting multigrain shapes. i bet it was ricicles or something else based. deposed for the sake of those piss shapes. fuck you you fucking shapes

ain't no stopping this cow!!
its on the move!!

food 

mixing all the boxes from the kelloggs variety pack into a single "mega breakfast"

take me down to parallax city where the back moves slow and the front moves quickly

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new alphabet time again guys! this ones just p’s and l’s

fun fact: mother brain was a poor translation, it was actually supposed to read "milf head"

i can directly connect the number of tweets i read to the amount of pain in my body. no i will not close the tab

hello, im doctor gregory house. i decided to become the the world's most brilliant and exhausting doctor on the fateful day that my bitch ex wife, maureen, microwaved my balls

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites