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i’m the resting bitch everyone’s making that face about

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

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STOP TRYING TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF DEBATE ONLINE. no right-thinking person goes onto online to find strangers to "debate" with. real people, ordinary, decent people, have only come online to view gifs of skeletons fucking

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Now I'm falling asleep
And she's taking a shit
And he's taking a shit
And she's taking a shit

i've spent the past year trying to make a mean girls/protocols of the elders of zion joke whose punchline is "she doesn't urbain gohier" but i at this point i should just accept that it's not gonna happen

UK Politics / ID checks at polling stations 

going to the colosseum to fuck your wife in front of thousands

gross shitpost / body fluids 

imposing a $350 fine for awooing will simply create a system where awooing is basically legal for the wealthy. we call this class the Awoorgeoisie

Toad in a hole more like toad in a bowl am I right folks

ugh can’t believe ive inherited a POISONED chalice, my least favourite kind of chalice to inherit

If you want out of the magic circle, you're gonna have to fuck your way out

imagine booking a cruise and they tell you that mario and his cracker friends are gonna be racing karts around it so you cant leave your cabin

if you've got a dirty booty they won't let you into heaven. if you've got a bad booty you can;t get reincarnated

messed up that there's only been one tv series about friends

drawing a tick on a slice of burger cheese with a sharpie to indicate that i accept the terms and conditions

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites