Pinned toot
twink john major  

i love thinking to myself "ok now. now i MUST do some work" then regaining consciousness 45 minutes later to find myself typing "im injecting soviet truth serum into my balls" in this website box

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twink john major  

my fuckin TRANSLATION PROJECT that i've been working on is finally finished and available!! Pere Ubu's Almanac is a hefty zine create by Alfred Jarry, the guy behind Ubu Roi and Exploits & Opinions of Dr Faustroll, in 1899. i don't think it's ever appeared in english translation before and i may have done a cack-handed job of it because i am a baby who has somehow learned to use a computer!! NEVERTHELESS monoclelash.wordpress.com/2019

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Pinned toot
twink john major  

Youngledore, Dumbledore and Full of Cumbledore

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Pinned toot
twink john major  

me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

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twink john major  

like i know it costs extra to make clothing at such a small scale, and it's almost always the case that everyone in the production chain gets paid what they're worth, which rules, but damn son!!

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twink john major  

gender neutral underwear companies be like "we believe everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin, no matter their body shape or gender identity. £22 for pair of boxers pleace :)"

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twink john major boosted
witch hazel  

@pisscotheque thank you for your consideration, you horrid oaf

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twink john major  

i love having to click this box, it reminds me of how absolutely haggard im feeling

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twink john major boosted
witch hazel  

@pisscotheque instead of me saying it every time can i make it clear that whenever i boost your toots it is with every ounce of disdain i can muster

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twink john major boosted
don't worry. mama's home  

i cast piss self and run at the guard

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twink john major  

wish i was asleep instead of this

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twink john major  

boney m was correct to claim in 1978 that rasputin was “russia’s greatest love machine”. however it must be noted that that honour now belongs to the “Sviyazhsk” 550 Deluxe Fucking Machine (2011)

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twink john major boosted
anti-anti-antichrist  

chess? ha. id rather have "cheese"

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twink john major  

i love waking up in the night and finding out that you’re all into chess now

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twink john major  

professor mcgonagall is a dignified old woman, but unfortunately she was tragically cisgendered at birth, and also hasn’t wiped her disgusting ass for one month. it’s sad!

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twink john major  

trans harry potter headcanons are no longer valid. every harry potter character is cis, and what’s more not a single one of them wipes their ass

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twink john major boosted
rogue individual 🍓  

@xenon oh yeah for sure

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twink john major boosted
horrowfide  

flat. :olga:

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twink john major boosted
video games  

The Dirty Anniversary

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twink john major boosted
healyn  

i really hate when i'm trying to watch an adorable animal video and they keep throwing in captions like "who dis hooman". shut your fucking mouth, and let me see what the cat has to say

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twink john major boosted
Johnny Meme-monic  

scrape the cum off the inside of that turkey and theres your gravy. subscribe for more time saving tips

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twink john major boosted
luke  

antideluvian lion

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twink john major boosted
a friend  

i type up all my posts on my typewriter and throw them into the wheelie bin outside my window. if you're reading this get out of the bin. you're better than this.

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twink john major boosted
wandrewful xmas time  

all female remake of good will hunting called good jill hunting

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