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i love thinking to myself "ok now. now i MUST do some work" then regaining consciousness 45 minutes later to find myself typing "im injecting soviet truth serum into my balls" in this website box

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my fuckin TRANSLATION PROJECT that i've been working on is finally finished and available!! Pere Ubu's Almanac is a hefty zine create by Alfred Jarry, the guy behind Ubu Roi and Exploits & Opinions of Dr Faustroll, in 1899. i don't think it's ever appeared in english translation before and i may have done a cack-handed job of it because i am a baby who has somehow learned to use a computer!! NEVERTHELESS monoclelash.wordpress.com/2019

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

whenever i commit crimes i also shit my pants, this serves as a distraction from the crimes.

kicking a football through your nans window, for my mental health

work, neurodiversity 

i have lucked into a nice job where i do receive support but i will never tell them the entire truth about my "deal". because it is hilarious how much the description of my deal just sounds like "im unemployable"

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work, neurodiversity 

my coping strategies for getting work done are a ramshackle rube goldberg machine made out of guilt, fear, resentment and lies. every day i wake up and have to do the employment equivalent of tricking an increasingly wary feral cat into taking its kidney medicine, where i am both the cat and the cat's caretaker. every consecutive day that i manage to remain employed and pay rent comes as a fucking shock to me

The only 'pressure' on me right now is to keep up with my learning, but that's not a problem for me as I've always been academic (see also: a complete nerd)

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just got arrested and sliced into a thousand cubes just for saying i had a "lesbian opinion"

***FOR FOLLOWERS IN THE UK (PLEASE BOOST IF YOU HAVE UK FOLLOWERS)***
I have a voucher for a free vehicle MOT at a Halfords auto centre to be redeemed before the end of May. It’s of no use to myself or anyone else that I know and it would be a shame to waste it.

The first person to send me a DIRECT/PRIVATE reply will get the voucher and I’ll update this thread publicly to confirm it’s been taken.

Thanks!

every time you try to learn something, something confusing will happen. this is a sign that you shouldn't try

here's the crime dog yacht rock song if you missed it on broadcast 

i cannot support the lyrics, which include "being straight is ok"

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YES YES the CRIME DOG SONG IS HERE

I'm still living off the money I made being the baby on the discount pram centre sign

I'm more than just a pair of legs dangling through the ceiling

type of ghost that drags a sack of coal out the back garden

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites