Pinned toot

finding nemo is government propaganda created to persuade america’s children that the ocean is a clean, godly place and not a filthy pandemonium filled with snails, perverts and unaccompanied digestive organs

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

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STOP TRYING TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF DEBATE ONLINE. no right-thinking person goes onto online to find strangers to "debate" with. real people, ordinary, decent people, have only come online to view gifs of skeletons fucking

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Now I'm falling asleep
And she's taking a shit
And he's taking a shit
And she's taking a shit

Selfie, eye contact 

ambassador, with these rocher you are really kind of screwing us. really kind of kicking us in the dick with these rocher

in the mastodon tv series i would be the one who fucked. thanks.

getting sad thinking about all the boring sex my ancestors were probably having

im stuck halfway through an email because i can't figure out how to make the è

dont even think of saying "plastic bertrand" at me. i will strike you down where you stand

i will only purchase art from artists who own pigs. i don't need for the art to be about pigs, i just need the comfort of knowing that the artist was a pig-owner

I bet Hogwarts have a room full of knackered old typewriters and call it an "IT Suite". Doesn't sound that good there tbh

Vegeta is the most culturally significant power bottom of the 21st century

the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing you he isn't Craig, 43, from Stoke

You dont mean "women and enbies." You mean "men and enbies." You mean "men and enbies." You mean "men and enbies." You mean "women and enbies." You mean "women and enbies." You mean "women and enbies who look like toilet

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites