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i love thinking to myself "ok now. now i MUST do some work" then regaining consciousness 45 minutes later to find myself typing "im injecting soviet truth serum into my balls" in this website box

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fuck off calling your book "eleanor oliphant is completely fine" twee curly license-free font horseshit. radio 4 book club dick ass. call your book "Pussy Popping At The Homicide Casino" or i am not reading it

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if god had wanted two dogs to email each other, he would have given the dogs fingers, and blessed them with higher reason that they might learn to read. he’d have created a computer that dogs could use, and he would have called it the BarkTel 900. it would have a power cord that looked like a string of sausages, and all the keys would be shaped like little bones. but he didn’t, and that is why the religious right spent billions of dollars to suppress the special “all-dog cut” of You’ve Got Mail

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

90s style erotic thriller and it's called Poster's Desire

meta at night, poster's delight
meta in the morning, poster's warning

falling over the side of a boat, washing ashore with amnesia and getting tricked into helping kurt russell raise four unruly boys, that's the real american dream

thatcher, eggs, image from birdsite 

the free market at work, just as she would have wanted

walking home savouring this beautiful spring breeze… my shorts are falling down…. 😌

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popped da fly button off my shorts while attempting to centre some clay on the potting wheel :angry_laugh:

[late night, interior, stables]
👨 ah bernard, you are neglecting your training again
🎷🐴

My ass was involved in a pants shitting incident

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites