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my fuckin TRANSLATION PROJECT that i've been working on is finally finished and available!! Pere Ubu's Almanac is a hefty zine create by Alfred Jarry, the guy behind Ubu Roi and Exploits & Opinions of Dr Faustroll, in 1899. i don't think it's ever appeared in english translation before and i may have done a cack-handed job of it because i am a baby who has somehow learned to use a computer!! NEVERTHELESS monoclelash.wordpress.com/2019

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

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STOP TRYING TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF DEBATE ONLINE. no right-thinking person goes onto online to find strangers to "debate" with. real people, ordinary, decent people, have only come online to view gifs of skeletons fucking

caterpillar 

meanwhile the son who graced us the other day is chonking up nicely

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oh so when I say "throw that ass in a circle" it's fine but somehow "spin that bussy in the salad spinner" there's a problem??

if i don't post for the next seven months it's because my therapist forbade me from saying anything mean about myself

Behold! Spider-Dog-Worm Theory! Thanks to my comrade and colleague @NormalPopsicle for assistance making it, and the original idea in the first place.

air quality, lockdown, health, smoking 

i downloaded the shit i smoke app after someone mentioned it on here about 2 years ago. it shows you how many cigarettes you would have to smoke daily to inhale the same amount of pollutant you breathe in just from living in a built up area. i think 2 years ago it showed 6 cigarettes per day for my local area. now it’s uhhh

i shit my pants one leg at a time just like everyone else

feels like just yesterday the entire local TL of monads was me posting about berating my dick and balls in the public library for talking back to me

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites