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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!

brain:

TROUT

TROUT

LET IT ALL OUT

THESE ARE THE FISH I CAN DO WITHOUT

SALMON

I’M TALKING TO YOU

SALMON

me: cool never mind

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STOP TRYING TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF DEBATE ONLINE. no right-thinking person goes onto online to find strangers to "debate" with. real people, ordinary, decent people, have only come online to view gifs of skeletons fucking

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Now I'm falling asleep
And she's taking a shit
And he's taking a shit
And she's taking a shit

if the vast body of popular culture that has been generated over the last 50 years has taught me anything, it's that i don't need to ever change my sheets or look at my credit score as long as i'm a loveable scamp

blaming my academic, professional and romantic failures on lag

Did you really think we would let you leave this place? After all that you’ve seen?

spotify is like 'music for everyone' but what about the dead or horses

nice sydney opera house you got here. would be a shame it if were to become the the sydney Lesbian house...

don't worry dude. vampires can't cum unless they're invited. what? no the rule is cumming in general. what do you mean by "cum in"? what are they cumming in

good morning to all of you scumbags and pieces of shit

if all this technical talk is confusing you, think about it this way: license keys are just “cum” for microsoft office, allowing fully formed animated slideshow presentations to “gestate” within the “womb” (PowerPoint)

my podcast is me lowering a microphone down a well in order to try and hear the desire of the earth

*peeing onto a vape pen and waiting three minutes* oh no i’m pregnant

*taking a long drag on a used pregnancy test* this vape is broken

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godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites