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hello chumps, chumpettes and chxmps. it is my birthday tomorrow and instead of having a party (banned) i am having a fundraiser for the trussell trust, who run my local foodbank and many others across the UK. if you love godforsaken website or me and have some pounds to spare, i would be ever so pleased if you would contribute whatever you are comfortable with!!!!

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i love thinking to myself "ok now. now i MUST do some work" then regaining consciousness 45 minutes later to find myself typing "im injecting soviet truth serum into my balls" in this website box

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my fuckin TRANSLATION PROJECT that i've been working on is finally finished and available!! Pere Ubu's Almanac is a hefty zine create by Alfred Jarry, the guy behind Ubu Roi and Exploits & Opinions of Dr Faustroll, in 1899. i don't think it's ever appeared in english translation before and i may have done a cack-handed job of it because i am a baby who has somehow learned to use a computer!! NEVERTHELESS

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me: working from home gives me the opportunity to focus on tasks free from the the distractions of a noisy office!









me: cool never mind

i would fucking hate it if people read my posts on here

did you know the more times you check a website the better it gets


being an adult is good because im better able to exit harmful situations and sucks shit for literally every other reason. i would give it all up to be back on a tiled carpet learning about frog life cycles or some such other trifling nonsense

apparently your supposed to eat the apple not throw it at the doctor, who knew

went out to the shops and a small child asked his mother why my face was all fucked up. first of all, young man, that is my arse

the problem with my dick and balls is... you guessed it... capitalism

sitting backwards on the toilet to intimidate my business rivals

another week goes by, and Dear Prudence has yet again declined to publish my letter about my stepfather's behaviour at my neopets' memorial service. i am falling through the cracks in the social safety net

swinging a thurible full of monster munch back and forth over the timeline to dispel the evil eye

another day volunteering at the means of production. everybody keeps asking me if they can fuck the commodities. buddy, they won't even let me fuck them.

i refuse to watch The Hunt For Red October because it's not possible to hunt a month. An absurd movie on its face

you know who else 'found a guy'? the three magi

skeletons aren’t real. im built like a water bed

the youngest person with a phd is a baby called brendan. the phd is in communications engineering

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this godforsaken website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites