according to those intersections, and none of these things can really be separated out. I am tired of whole languages being made out to be this "cringe" thing that people on the internet can laugh at, and that are never taken seriously in job interviews. I'm tired of wee kids getting teased by their classmates and told off by their teachers for using the words their families use. I'm tired of English being this domineering force that is hell-bent on strangling the life out of every other
Also, while writing these thoughts out, I've been thinking about how the code switching between Scots, Scots-English, and English cannot be viewed in isolation, for me and for everyone else. It is INCREDIBLY tangled up in classism, but also for many other people it will be tied up in racism too. I am autistic and nonbinary, so not only do I code switch based on peoples' perceptions of my accent and vocabulary, but also based on how I need to present myself...
poetry books that I used to inhale in a matter of hours. This language represents so much more than just some words, it's an entire chunk of my identity that got ripped to shreds before I even knew I had it.
When I think back to how I used to speak in school, it's worlds away from how I speak now, because I had to smooth off my accent in order to fit in back then, and make myself more palatable to the people who held the fate of my education and future employment in their hands.In the past few years, I have been desperately trying to claw back all of the wonderful words I used to let roll off my tongue as a kid, picked up from my mum and grandparents and great grandparents and dusty old scots...
I was raised in two very different halves of Scottish culture; I went to one of the best state high schools in Scotland, with people who (for the most part) had very clear voices and good pronunciation and who talked mostly English-English or Scots-English (which is different to Scots), but I lived in small flats in poorer areas with my mum, who speaks with a different accent and with a lot more Scots words in her vocabulary.
Im gonna take this opportunity to copy-paste in what i said in a post on tumblr about all of this. It may rehash some things that ive already said here, but id like to add it in:
I used to know so many myths and legends and folk stories, i used to know songs and poems and even just words that showed me where i came from, and i didnt know how much i needed that until it was gone. I hate the fact that i now have to put so much effort into relearning everything i used to know. Its infuriating, not least because it means that the domineering nature of the english language has done exactly what it aimed for and removed whole swathes of my culture from me and my ancestors.
My sense of identity has always been insecure, for so many interconnected reasons, but part of it that ive never quite been able to comprehend has been the fact that i feel so strongly scottish but with nothing to show for why other than having been born here and lived here my whole life, and that always felt like a bit of a lacking reason for me, and now im realising that its because there used to be so much more connecting me to scotland...
Been doing a lot of thinking about being disconnected from chunks of my culture recently, what with all the Scots Wikipedia hoo-hah going on, and ive come to the decision that im tiny and feral and furious, because i was so very connected to my scots roots as a small child, but that all got shamed out of me as soon as i got to school, and now im having to claw it all back now, but with bonus Cringe Factor built into my brain.
@katherine you're wonderful and take me to some truly lovely places. I'm gay for u.
Update: they just gently whisered "kiss...". I am soft.
@katherine just said, very decisively, in their sleep, "Gay. Gay For You.". Think my wife loves me. Baffling.
@katherine: babe i feel like a pokemon character when im with you
Me: ...okay? What do you..?
Catrin, like a pokemon: squirtle!
Every time i mention to @katherine that im reading captain america fanfiction, she respomds with "bucky? More like fucky." And each time she says it i both love and hate her more in equal amounts.
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