not being funny but two of us on the zoom call watched ur pillow rapidly disintegrate into small cubes that floated upwards as soon as you fell asleep

i had homemade vegan chicken n chips (made with banana blossom) and aquafaba peanut butter choc ice cream that turned out really well and here i am bragging about it ok good

tomorrow I'll document the scandal I've uncovered in a weird fb group I joined

is this the right way of making a toot thread? anyway I generated enough anxy momentum to respond to 4 different whatsapp messages at once! they were of an overcompensating length n all said the same thing

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feelin bad bout all the messages I've not replied to for weeks yet not doing anything about it

confession 

i want chris whitty to peel grapes for me and call me his little sausage

grash boosted

last few freedom wanks before I go to my parents house

grash boosted

virus 

buh all i've done today is lain in bed/on the sofa n read the news on my phone. i haven't even eaten. I should probably go outside for a bit

um im a hot beefcake with oiled abs and small green shorts and i dont speak i only wink

grash boosted

monty hall: *punches me* what is behind the third door
me: fuck you ass hole
monty hall: *throws a chair at a wall* how can switching a door improve your chances
me: got o hell

sex again 

the same person i shared a bed with recently was like, genuinely attracted to me in a way i didn't expect and i'm still chuffed tbh!!!!!!!!!! i will never forget!!!!!!!!!!!

the vocalist from future islands has such a crazed performance style n i love him

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites