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fragile masculinity 

This has to be my favourite Fragile Masculinity Product that I’ve ever found

fragile masculinity 

@wandrew birthdays are for Big Gay Girls unless you put a picture of a pint on the card

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @wandrew the font is extremely feminine too so it only makes sense as to be given from a unattached girl friend or an enabling female family member the whole thing is super weird

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @wandrew its also a super lazy design with only the second P in happy given an alternate form — the d’s in ‘splendid’ are identical and what the fuck is up with the kerning on the Y at the end of HAPPY like could you fucking do less work? just how much do they want for this piece of shit card

fragile masculinity 

@nutsling @wandrew I think you’re the only person in the world who has scrutinised this card long enough to notice

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @wandrew im fucken furious just thinking about all those unused opentype features

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr
*Me in a delivery room, backwards baseball cap* Look at that dude being born, wuss move bro

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr ...this shit has gone beyond parody, hasn't it?

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr finally, a birthday for men

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @tobinalex it was a difficult long-term project, since men were not previously born.

fragile masculinity 

@lyliawisteria @dreadpirateyarr i'm so glad i can finally have a birthday and officially turn 1 year old

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr
It's reached the point where I'm genuinely not sure what's a joke and what's real anymore 🤨

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr why did nobody tell me I could have a second man birthday? I'll grab this extra privilege with both manly hands

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr I get an obligatory pint of lager according to the card too! Men love pints of lager. What did I do to deserve this?

fragile masculinity 

@Shrigglepuss one pint of manly flavourless Fosters coming right up!

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @Shrigglepuss is Foster's the Coors of Australia?

fragile masculinity 

@lyliawisteria @Shrigglepuss I can’t remember if I’ve ever had Coors, but I’m sure they’re similarly bland and watery

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @Shrigglepuss Coors has the taste and texture of liquid vomit

fragile masculinity 

@lyliawisteria @dreadpirateyarr It tastes like something a plain-ass bloke would drink

fragile masculinity 

@Shrigglepuss @dreadpirateyarr so, for the alcohol, not the shitty taste.

fragile masculinity 

@lyliawisteria @Shrigglepuss either I’ve never had it or I’ve had it and immediately blocked out the memory

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @Shrigglepuss probably for the best. Labatts is also terrible.. i swear all of these "domestic" brands put sugar in their beer cause goddammit do i ever get a bad hangover from them.

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr i hate it. never post this again.

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr wishing all my dudes and bros a happy mirthday (man birthday)

@dreadpirateyarr gonna eat my man cake, and make a man wish when I blow out my man candles.

@laser @dreadpirateyarr I am cackling omfggggg

Men get weirder every damn day and Im just like wtfffff

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr Do guys in the UK actually say "splendid"? Because if you gave this to a Canadian bro, he would think you're trying to one-up him by being fancy, uncomfortable with the excess of words.

fragile masculinity 

@erinbee @dreadpirateyarr I can't hear "splendid" in a non-camp voice. I think someone at the card design mine is calling for help.

fragile masculinity 

@priryo @erinbee @dreadpirateyarr some bro is braying "YUUUH LET'S GET FUCKEN SPLENDID"

fragile masculinity 

@priryo @erinbee I hear it in the voice of a middle class twee Keep Calm and Carry On style person

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr accidental trans man positivity?

fragile masculinity 

@hillbillyoracle I think that’s the only situation in which this would be acceptable

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr
A very merry man-birthday to me 🎵
To who?
To me
Oh, you!
A very merry man-birthday to you 🎶
Who, me?
Yes, you!
Oh, me!
Let's all congratulate us with another glass of beer 🎵
A very merry man-birthday to you!

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr

"Splendid"? Can't believe they didn't go with "Tall, Cold." I'm the only one here who understands what it means to be truly male.

re: fragile masculinity 

@bort I was hoping that Mancrates was going to be a Greek philosopher for men

re: fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr ROFL ROFL ROFL, no such luck :D

re: fragile masculinity 

@Aleums @bort the best thing about that is that it comes immediately after this

re: fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @Aleums @bort imagine growing up being told this is all normal and correct

re: fragile masculinity 

@bort @Aleums @Red I’m through the looking glass and I want to go home now

re: fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr @Aleums I'm glad to spread the "joy" of the man crate. The first time I saw the commercial, I laughed for like 10 minutes. And then wanted to shoot my TV.

re: fragile masculinity 

@Aleums @bort @dreadpirateyarr pizza is just a food but apparently jerky is both a hobby and a personality

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr it's not even a play on words

this is giving me flashbacks to "man-animals" in Battlefield Earth

fragile masculinity 

@bstacey yeah, I think I stood there for a while trying to figure out if it was some kind of pun

fragile masculinity 

@dreadpirateyarr
Men don't have birthdays. Men have to go out into the wilderness and find a big rock and punch it until it's dust. Every year it has to be a bigger rock, to prove that you've gotten stronger.

fragile masculinity 

@Dayglochainsaw one day, a man will punch the biggest rock of all, the Earth, and he will be the Ultimate Man

fragile masculinity 

@chill_clinton I would like to wipe this from my memory

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