yarr @dreadpirateyarr@godforsaken.website

Dear websites: I will never subscribe to your newsletter

Watching Catchphrase. She thinks it’s Cat Phrase

Uhhhhh

Officially got my HNC with an A overall, I guess I know some stuff about plants 🌱

Got ID’d buying beer so I’m feeling a lot better now

Went all the way to the southside to pick up a prescription only to be told that the supplier hadn’t sent it out, so that was a wasted fucking trip, the weather is killing me because it’s warm and muggy, and I can’t even cheer myself up with a quiet pint because it’s a fucking Saturday so everywhere’s gonna be mobbed

Wondered why the hell it’s still light outside then I remembered it’s the solstice

I will absolutely not see the attached vlog from Richard Lochhead, Minister for Further and Higher Education

I don’t know what a zaddy is, and I think I’m okay with that

My evening is taking a weird turn

Does anybody have any good tips for stopping picking the skin around my cuticles? Please help, my fingers are dying

@OCRbot

I am going to FLING this man into the SUN

Stop milking hams, you’re stealing from the baby hamlets who need to suckle that milk from the teats of the mother ham

A proud moment in the life of a disaster bi horticulturist: offering someone a post-sex beer, grabbing my bag then dumping the cans out on the bed along with all the soil that was in the bottom of my bag

Ever get the feeling that you’re being watched

Just remembered standing at the bar on Friday night and hearing an American girl say to her friends ‘something I’ve learned about Scottish people... they really like Dolly Parton’ and I was tempted to swing round and say ‘Dolly Parton is a FUCKIN ANGEL, IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE’

Just got an accidentally bisexual water bottle

Reading the ‘don’t get married in America’ spam in a Mickey Mouse voice is making my day

My plan to do lots of productive and cultural things seems to have mysteriously turned into playing Kingdom Rush in my jammies