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👉❌ warning! you are entering the no craic zone ❌👈

hanny boosted

replying to every craigslist ad looking for a "female roommate" and when they reply that they're not interested, sending them a picture of clown shoes with the caption "theses are your shoes now terf,"

instead of making productive use of my time looking at places i could actually live and want to live in

i dont think im going to be posting much or hopefully at all. see ya's.

one thing my brother and i do is use "goodnight" as a general purpose, any time of day farewell. if we're being particularly funny we'll say "night night". it's very good, im sure you'll agree.

hanny boosted

@georgespolitzer let me ask you something, Rico. Who are the happiest people on Earth? I’ll tell you. It’s the Swedes, probably. Now I know you’ve thought that you can’t live the Scandinavian lifestyle all the way over here in the lil ol USA. But you’ve thought wrong. You see, once you get behind the wheel of a Volvo and let its fine European engineering transport you there while it transports you wherever you need to go... Well, pass the lutefisk, my friend. That’s the Volvo lifestyle.

hanny boosted
hanny boosted

calling somebody a catfish because I thought their picrew was literally them

if esvrld and i hung out irl (in real life) i like to think xe would kick my ass and steal all of my money.

hanny boosted

@bogperson420 m'lady, hadst thou perchance been receiving mine lewd missives, and if this be the case, whereforeth hadst thou not responded-eth uwu

hanny boosted

I'm going to reclaim 5am-8am as a special zone of pure unbroken pleasure (whole packet of lidl oaties)

for me, it is bisexual to drink a coffee. it is bisexual to read a book. it is bisexual to enjoy a snack. but the most bisexual thing? to trip over my own feet, fall 20 foot down a concealed mine shaft and break every single bone in my body.

hanny boosted

if you've thought about meditating but it didn't seem creepy or commodified enough for you then it's time to discover the joys of transcendental meditation

getting railed behind the chip van at the sunday car boot sale. your dads filming on his phone. bit naughty.

hanny boosted

your dad gave me your meccano. said you never played with it any more. some class bits in here im over the moon tbf.

fyi "fat bastard" is a gender neutral term of endearment x

hanny boosted
hanny boosted

given lenient enough trading standards, the large trough of spare screws and bolts at IKEA is technically a muesli

hanny boosted

"it's billed as the most expensive arse in the country"

hanny boosted

unveiling my arse after 5 billion pound restoration work

hanny boosted

changing out of my casual basketball shorts and into my formal basketball shorts

sometimes i get a sincere, disapproving reply to a shitpost on here and it is funnier than literally anything i have ever posted.

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites