Pinned toot

👉❌ warning! you are entering the no craic zone ❌👈

been slacking on the wanking recently but hopefully my years of overproductivity in this area will cover me

hanny boosted

@bogperson420 jokes on you, i remember every lecture i ever attended, verbatim. all in the same part of my brain where i keep "where i left my car keys" and "not falling down ever." i am a perfect specimen of neural health. yes i am aware my barn door is open, i require extra ventilation for my magnum stones

cumming inside the belly button to ensure pregnancy

newflash, freakazoids! brains can't retain information that long.

Show thread

loggin onto the internet to boast that actually, i know things, because of my degree which i completed many years ago and have not used the knowledge of ever

Show thread

people who act like they know shit cos they got a degree in it when they were 21 are wild

death 

after your mam dies prematurely of a lung disease
virgin: ive got to live life to the full. ive got to look after myself.
chad: i smoke now

hanny boosted

wheel of discourse, turn turn turn, show us the lesson that we should learn. wheel of discourse, spin round and round, show us a topic we should drive in the ground

gonna hit him with a little 'lmao haha i saw that on twitter too!' [KO]

Show thread

do you not know how online i am, son. i will crush you like a bug.

Show thread

your mates new boyfriend in the group chat posting craic clearly from twitter in unattributed text format instead of as a screenshot 🚩🚩🚩

catagorising everyone i meet using the wee man/shagger dichotomy with my enormous brain

it's called "forest bathing" and i invented it. me. i did that.

hanny boosted

only tiny infants drink coffee am i right lads

recapture your youth by smoking weed and listening to pop punk in the exact same location that you used to smoke weed and listen to pop punk 10 years ago

Show more
this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites