Pinned toot

👉❌ warning! you are entering the no craic zone ❌👈

called up my gp to let them know im having a real one

hanny boosted

i’m going to be the first person to discover a new kind of marine animal called the “sea towel”

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hanny boosted

love that crabs go sideways. that's what i'd do if i was them.

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"in a way aren't birds baby aeroplanes"

STRONGLY DISAGREE----x--STRONGLY AGREE

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I am the President of the United States of America and I fuck.

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Weird that everyone on here was claiming to be normal when it’s clear to any objective observer that I am the normal one on here

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(me, whispering to my date in the movie theater during Jurassic Park when they first see the dinosaurs) "that's a dinosaur"

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hanny boosted

shaking hands originated from the medieval custom of gripping strangers' dicks to make sure they're normal

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Making you a romantic mixtape but it's just the exact same track list as the Tony Hawk Underground OST

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"Oh my Granny, what big cargo shorts you have!"
"Yes, my child, all the better for carrying my psp, and even better still for carrying a psp go as its lack of a umd drive makes it a much smaller machine and is preferred by some people for hacking"

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hanny boosted

I never post pictures of my cats because the fedi already has far too many pictures of cats imo and you're all a bit weird about it. but as a treat for you: this is my favourite cat, check out this fucking idiot

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donating my pube trimmings to the local community centre for use in arts and crafts

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hanny boosted

other people should really think more before they post. not me though, i'm fine

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this godforsaken website

godforsaken.website is a uk-based mastodon instance boasting literally thousands of posts about bumholes and UNESCO world heritage sites