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fuck, just remembered the good cornish pasty shop they have everywhere in england (i worked in england for a couple of years). there's not any anywhere near me. damn heck.
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look at this absolute bastard pirate guy. he has managed only one incursion past Hadrian's Wall.
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according to the map, that single Scottish location *might* be this petrol station in Stirling. how'd they cinch that franchise huh. hand over the pasties guys.
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ah wait shit i remembered there's a good pasty place at Edinburgh Waverley. is this weird craving hitting me hard enough that i might take a train journey to edinburgh and back? (tomororw)
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no. there must be a closer location that does cornish pasties.
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i might have to settle for a bridie, but that's a different thing. ah man.
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Currently on a groceries run, but I'm adding in a detour to the bakery to see if they do pasties. Taking a rest midway on a bench
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nah they had bridies, which are like the scottish equivalent of a pasty, however, crucially, not as good. i still got one and it didn't really hit the weirdly specific spot i needed.
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i did all this extra bakery trek with a heavy backpack full of groceries on, like one of those military training exercises. just one of many ways in which i am braver, and in fact much stronger, than the average soldier.
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basically, the longer the distance they have to transport cornish pasties from their place of origin (cornwall), the greater the risk that the convoy will be raided by pirates who, above all, crave their favourite meal: cornish pasties. at distances like the one between cornwall and scotland, the "pirate number" approaches 100%. it's basically an inevitability at that distance. no one's gonna risk that.
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the wee lassy at the bakery was behind a perspex screen and i was wearing a mask so she couldn't really hear my order properly. i ended up with a different type of bridie than i'd asked for, and a totally different cake made almost entirely out of cream. reader i still fuckin ate both!!!!!!